Most single people have checklists with certain qualities or values they’re looking for in a partner, either written down or in their head. I think checklists are important. It can help you narrow down a specific type of person and serve as a guide to let you know when you should either move on or give someone a chance. Most of the time, however, the checklists look very similar for men and women. They want someone who is financially stable, kind, funny, honest, share a faith in God. Do any of these sound familiar?
I know several people who could fit that description but they still may not be the right person for you.
Some of you who have been single for a while may begin to question whether your standards are too high. Sometimes your friends or family will tell you your standards are too high! Are you wondering whether you need to compromise in some areas? You don’t…but you do need to get very clear about the kind of person you’re describing on that checklist.
In this post, I’m going to share with you the right way to write a checklist so that the person you describe will be drawn to you. Imagine the checklist as a metal and the person you describe is the magnet.
- Start with your first item on your checklist. Let’s say that it’s “emotionally mature.” Now, pretend you are in a movie and you are seeing your relationship play out on the screen. What is happening? What is he doing that shows you that he’s emotionally stable? How are you feeling? You can also think of a relationship you’ve had or maybe you’ve seen this quality in a friend’s partner. While you’re envisioning this, begin to write. Be as specific as possible and include every little detail of what you see and feel.
Here’s an example of what that would look like:
We both come home from work, he pours me a glass of wine and begins to ask me how my day was. When I start telling him about a problem I have at work, he asks me follow up questions and has some really good feedback for me. I feel like he really cares about me and he understands me. I feel like he has my back and I feel loved and so happy.
“Financially stable” would be something like:
We both have careers we love. We are about to buy the house in the area we both wanted and we take care of each other, financially. We take two big trips a year and a ton of weekend trips. It’s nice to know that we can afford these things with both of our incomes
- Keep it positive. Write only what you WANT. Not what you DON’T WANT. This is a good tip for living a happy life in general! Don’t complain or write something like, “I don’t want someone who will cheat on me.”
He is faithful and loyal. I feel safe and love feeling secure in our relationship. He listens to me when I tell him my insecurities and constantly reassures me.
- That completes the written homework, now the real test begins. This is where we find out whether you’re really serious about meeting the person you described. How will we know if you’re not serious? You continue dating people who do not match up with your checklist, and/or continue calling your friend with benefits, etc. The longer you continue this, the longer it will take for you to meet your someone. Your actions need to send the message that you’re ready for a serious relationship.
The last note is that this list need not be set in stone. Every time you go on a date and see or feel something you liked, add it to the list. The more you date, the more clear you become about the type of person you want.
Happy Dating! Did you like this post? If so, share it with your friends!