I’m watching a show that I hate to admit I’m watching but it’s about dating so it’s “research.” It’s called “Love Island” and, this season, they’re in Las Vegas, which, I know, is not exactly an island…
Quick premise of the show: single men and women are trapped in this place, forced to sleep on the same bed the first night they meet…it’s ridiculous. This is not what dating is about!! I get so worked up when I think about these shows (but I can’t help watching! 🙄) The singles then couple up and, because it’s TV, new singles join throughout the show to stir things up and potentially break people up, the last couple together wins the money. There’s a little more to it but you get the idea.
In a scene from the show, Mackenzie is talking to Connor who she’s coupled up with right before they go into something like the Bachelor in Paradise rose ceremony (without roses).
This is their conversation (plus my commentary in red font):
Mackenzie: Do you feel like, typically, I approach you?
Connor: I get that, so…
Connor: So up until now, as far as when we see each other?
Mackenzie: Yea, it’s typically like me coming up to you, do you notice that?
Connor: A little bit, yes, so you want me to make more of an effort?
Mackenzie: NO! (YES!! is the right answer to this) I think I’m just curious like, are you just like the “come to me” type? Or, I mean we don’t know each other that well so I’m more like trying to gauge, is that how you are? Cause if it is then I will just get used to it, I guess but…
Connor: Yes, so I would definitely say that is who I am when I am getting to know someone at first but I think, over time, that changes.
She brings up the fact that she’s the one approaching him, mostly.
Why does she do this? It bothers her. She may think he’s not as interested in her, which is a fair assessment. A guy who IS interested would try to get her attention every chance he can. Am I right, fellas?
Then, this is important, instead of being honest and asking for what she wants she lets him off the hook and says she’ll get used to it if “that’s who he is”. I have to breathe through this because it gets me so worked up!
She’s basically accepting this behavior and not listening to what her heart and instinct are telling her.
What should she have said instead? In the context of this reality show, she could say something like “Hey, the way that I know a guy’s interested in me is if he’s going out of his way to talk to me, to try to get to know me and I’m just not getting that from you.” She has to say something because of the show.
HOWEVER, in real life…you don’t have to say anything at all. If a guy is not making an effort to spend time with you, he’s just not interested. You can move on, don’t waste any more time on him. It really is that simple.
Don’t make up stories about why he’s not doing more…there’s no excuse.
Back to the reality show…women, in general, try to be very understanding but it comes at a cost. You end up not expressing what you really want and need. And, the guy will continue a behavior if you don’t bring it up.
It’s time you, all women, begin to have honest conversations with men that may stir the pot…this is good! You want to see how they respond. Are they dismissive? Defensive? Willing to listen and make adjustments? You have to see how they respond and ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want in your life.
Is there something that you’re not telling that guy you’re dating? What’s holding you back? Tell me about it and I’ll help you with how to say it 😉