Is Taking A Break From Dating Just an Excuse?

How many times have you heard someone say “I’m taking a break from dating.”  

Typically, I find that this comes after a break up or some event that left them with a bad taste in their mouth for dating, in general.  

Sometimes, I hear women say they’re focusing on their career or they’ll say “I’m dating myself.” 🧐 

I question whether they’re really being honest with themselves.  They may very well have a legitimate reason, but I’d still want to dig a little deeper to see if there’s something else holding them back.   

Are they just afraid to get hurt again?  Is rejection becoming unbearable? Are they losing hope that there’s someone for them?  

I would suggest instead of a break, make a boundary!

If you’re looking for ways to protect your time for things that you want or need to do, there are ways to do that.  

For example, when I was finishing up graduate school, I was really busy studying, writing papers, etc.  Instead of taking a break from dating, I made sure that my dates were scheduled on days when I knew my load would be a little lighter…maybe after a big exam. 

If you work and have a big presentation, you schedule a date after your presentation.

If you’re starting up your own business and don’t want to take too much time away from it, schedule a lunch date or talk on the phone a few times.  

If you set a boundary and someone doesn’t want to respect it, trust me, you don’t want that person in your life.  You want someone who will be supportive.

Imagine, you get married and decide that you want to go back to school.  Do you tell your partner, “Hey, I need a break, I’m going to go back to school and need to focus on just that.” No.  You want someone who will bring you coffee, lunch, check in with you, help you succeed in the times that you need it.  

Look for THAT person when you’re dating. 

In the six years that I was single, I never felt the need to intentionally put a stop or a hold on dating.  During that time, I ended a two-year relationship, I was starting my career, started a graduate program, and changed careers.  So, what made my situation different? Why didn’t I take a break from dating?  

It’s hard for me to know for sure but I think a part of it is my interest in human behavior and my optimistic attitude on life.  I learned so much about myself while I was dating and also about men.  Putting a hold on dating can stunt the learning process and your growth.  

So, really sit down with yourself and ask yourself “What’s the real reason I’m taking this break?”  You may discover something new or something that you know you’ve been avoiding for some time. 

This doesn’t mean you have to get out there and date right now.  It just means stay open to the possibilities.  

We are currently still in a pandemic so scheduling dates means virtual dates or dates that you feel comfortable with…   

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