Dating, Looking, Single Men, Single Women

How To Get Asked On A Second Date

Do you find yourself going on a lot of first dates and then wondering why you aren’t getting asked on a second date?  It’s so frustrating when, in your mind, the date went great!  Communication flowed,  you both seemed to be having a good time, and you thought, “for sure, he’ll ask me out on a second date” but then…nothing!

This happened to me numerous times and it was hard not to take it personally and wonder “what’s wrong with me?” Well, I’m here to tell you “There is nothing wrong with you.” As I mentioned in a previous post, don’t take it personally when a guy doesn’t ask you out on a second date, you could go crazy and get hung up on wondering why he didn’t ask you out again. It’s not going to change anything, so save your time and energy on things that can prepare you for future first dates.

Here are some tips for getting asked on a second date:

  • Give feedback during a date. Men are afraid of rejection, so if you let them know that you’re having a good time during your date, you give them the confidence to ask you out again. A simple “This is a fun date!” will do.  MEN: Let the woman know if you’d like to see her again, don’t leave her wondering.  You could be straightforward and, at the end of the date say, “I’d like to see you again, if that’s ok with you.”
  • Be authentic. I cannot stress this enough. Sure, you want to make a good first impression but not at the expense of drastically changing who you are to appeal to what you think the other person might like.  There is someone out there who is going to think you are amazing with all your imperfections. Just like there is no perfect man, there isn’t a perfect woman out there either, so embrace your imperfections.  Before you go on your next date, try this exercise to help ground yourself so you step into your most authentic self.
Sit in a quiet space and think about the negative beliefs you’ve made up about yourself. For example, “I’m not pretty enough,” “I’m not outgoing enough,” “I don’t talk enough,” “I talk too much,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m too successful and men are intimidated.”  Once you identify these negative beliefs, turn it into a positive statement.  For example, “I’m not pretty enough” becomes “Someone thinks I’m attractive just the way I am.”  ” I’m not smart enough” becomes “Someone appreciates what I have to say and values my thoughts and opinions.”  “I’m too successful and men are intimidated” becomes “Someone will support and celebrate my successes” You only have to identify the negative beliefs one time.  Then half an hour before your dates, repeat only the positive statements.

Dig Deeper: These negative beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies and will unconsciously show up on your dates through the things you say and do.  As a former Marriage and Family Registered Intern, I helped my clients identify those beliefs and challenged their validity.  In more times than not, a person created these beliefs at a young age based on statements made about them by their parents, friends, or society.  It blocked them from seeing their own accomplishments, successes, strengths.  Together we would rewrite the stories they made up about themselves to one that helped them thrive.

For some more tips, read my “How To Flirt” post.

Enjoyed this article?  Share it with your friends who need some dating advice.  I know you all have that one friend who could use it!

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