Dating

How To Deal With Rejection While Dating

If you’re dating, chances are you’ve been rejected at least once.  It’s inevitable.  Rejection can happen after the first date, the third date, or after a month and a half of dating.  They can disappear or you might get a message saying something along the lines of “I don’t think we’re a good match.”

Since it’s inevitable, you should have a strategy in place for dealing with rejection so that you don’t end up getting jaded and give up on dating.  These are in no particular order.

Feel all the feels. I’m sorry…it sucks!  You might feel a mix of sadness and anger or you might be confused after being rejected.  I was rejected by two different guys after I had the DTR conversation and explained what I wanted out of the relationship.  Neither of them wanted a serious relationship and I was glad they were honest about it…it saved me time and energy that I used to look for someone who was ready.

I’ve also been ghosted a number of times. Most of the time I’d know whether I was going to get a follow up call or text after a first date but there were times when I was wrong.  And I really only cared when I liked the guy.  This is when “feel all the feels” comes into play.  Sit with those feelings of sadness, anger, confusion.  It’ll be uncomfortable but it’ll pass, I promise.  Don’t bury them down by distracting yourself with other stuff.  The only caveat here is that you don’t stay there too long. It doesn’t help you or your dating situation if you’re just going to wallow in them.  Call a friend, vent, journal, pray, let it out then move on to the next date with a positive attitude.

Don’t label dating as bad because of the experience.  Remember “you’ve got to kiss a few frogs…”  Imagine saying, “I’m never going to workout again because I don’t like feeling sore afterwards”  If you’re working out, you’re going to feel sore.  I’d suggest that you don’t go back on dates until you’ve dealt with those feelings because they will show up one way or another.

Get to a place where you don’t make the rejection about yourself. After getting rejected, you might think all the “I’m not (fill in the blank) enough”

“I’m not pretty enough”

“I’m not outgoing enough”

“I’m not funny enough”

“I’m not tall enough”

“I’m not cute enough”

You might start second guessing what you said or did…

“I should’ve opened up more”

“I shouldn’t have said I hated cats.”

Stop being so hard on yourself.  You can reframe situations to make them a positive learning experience.  For example, use that date to keep refining what you’re looking for in a guy or girl.  What did you like about this person? What did you like about the way he or she made you feel?  It allows you to get very clear about the type of person you want to be with so that it’s easy for you to decide if you want to keep dating someone or not.

Instead…

Replace those negative thoughts about yourself with a statement about the situation.  Think of yourself as being perfectly imperfect…accepting your flaws and believing that someone is going to love you just the way you are.  If you believe that, then you can’t make the rejection about yourself!

What do you say instead?

“He/she didn’t feel the chemistry”

“She/He wasn’t the one for me”

“Next!” My personal favorite 😄

“The one for me is still out there”

“It wasn’t the right fit”

Get feedback from friends.  Friends know you best. They might have an idea about what could be holding you back from finding true love but might not tell you for a number of reasons. Maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings or don’t know exactly how to tell you. These friends just need permission from you to give you some feedback so…ask them!  Give them a run down of the date and ask them what they think.

You might be carrying some baggage that is, unconsciously, coming out in the things you say or do or even more so in your nonverbal communication. A friend can help point those things out to you.

Do you have any other tips you’d add to this list?  Let us know in the comments below.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked*